I had heard that Thai massages are legendary and a "do not miss" while in Thailand. I honestly had no idea what I was getting into, with the exception of the fact that this kind of massage is administered to somebody fully clothed. Armed with recent success at my chiropractor appointments, I felt I should not deprive myself of this memorable experience.

The massage "studio," if you can call it that, was on the third floor of a corner building at the end of an alley. We only found this place obviously with the assistance of a helpful local. From the studio, you can smell food cooking on the street below. Thai massages are apparently are traditionally longer than hour. The "receptionist" recommended a 4 hour massage. I figured that considering I only have 5 foot 2 inches of body, I opted for 2 hours, thinking even that was excessive. This came to a whooping total of $6. Whoo.

Step one was to remove my own pants in favor of the "regulation" Thai massage pants. These are enormous, waistless trousers with two straps that at first appear to be the end of a drawstring, but no. They are two straps with no elasticity or even a hole to pull through. In essence, not blond proof. After several minutes of being completely perplexed, I emerged from the changing room with the only solution I could come up with, even though I knew it was entirely incorrect. I had tied these straps around the back of my neck. The masseurs in the room just about died of laughter. Kind of the response I expected, but I knew doing that would also make it clear that I needed help. My masseur (a tiny man of about 25) promptly took pity on me. I have to say it has been a while since I had anybody help me get dressed, let alone a man. Here is a picture of my travel companion holding up a pair of these trousers:



Thai massage does not use a table, instead, the "massagee" lies down on a thin mattress on the floor. This means in order to have any effectiveness, a masseuse has to get on the mat with me. He starts working on one leg, using his elbows, hands, knees and feet to pressurize my muscles into submission. My body is immediately put on the defensive. I try to relax, but it is kind of hard when I continue to register where his body parts were in relation to mine. Have you ever had a small Thai man massage your rear with his elbow? Knee? No? Well it is something different for sure. Two hours of this was more exhausting than relaxing. I think I found the Thai version of a personal trainer.